- Oh, excuse me a moment, general. And it makes me feel good all over. Cpl. Sgt. You've made me homesick for Cleveland. Back, back, all of you. Company Credits I shall do it right away. Col. Wilhelm Klink: You have certainly come to the right man for delicate matters. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Birthday cake? Cpl. : Ahmmm. Major Hochstetter: Everybody under arrest! Technical Specs, [repeated line, whenever Col. Hogans shows up], IMDb Poll Board's Favorite Christmas Song Performances, Who Is Do You Think Is The Most Funny Incompetent, Or Competent But Harried Boss. Col. Wilhelm Klink: You're a little late, my friend. Of course you are. "Hogan's Heroes Quotes." Col. Wilhelm Klink Hogan: [the phone rings while Hogan's men are cracking a safe] Answer the phone, tell him it's the wrong number. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: And if you ever tell anyone, I will have you kept in this cooler for a year. Sgt. Technical Specs. But the Major has a plan to cripple the entire Russian rocket program. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Isn't it about time you found out. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Confidentially, I've never seen a Gestapo man that could. Col. Robert E. Hogan: I don't know anything about the underground or sabotage. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Well, then he is fat. You only thought he was stupid. Heil Hitler! You can't take it home, sir. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Now, Klink, I'm going to try and be calm about this. Hogan stopped kneading the knot forming on his back and stared at Klink. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [at the rehearsal of the wedding Hilda dressed as the bride] I do not recall giving permission to Fraulein Hilda to be part of this. I *am in charge of security* Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter : Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I will arrange it. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Please - not while I'm plotting. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Look, I know that arrow was pointed in the right direction! For the next two weeks it's death takes a holiday. No one in or out without my permission. You're not gonna get anything out of me. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Hogan, you don't understand. I will surround this camp with a ring of steel. Newkirk: Oh no, must be half past ten by now. Col. Robert E. Hogan: It doesn't matter, Kinch. Gen. der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Captain Ritter has been ordered to acquaint himself with Luftwaffe prisoner-of-war facilities. That's what I would like to hear. Did you hear me? Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: That's right! Louis LeBeau: All you're gonna get is my name, rank and serial number. Sgt. Radio Host: [Hogan pretends to be a Nazi sympathizer to get on German radio and discredit a propagandist] You read Mein Kampf, I believe. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Hogan? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: But is Hogan ready to tell us about the Norden? Nothing says you like your voice. Col. Robert E. Hogan Hans Georg Schultz: You said it, big boy. Sgt. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: You're a good-looking girl. We had pistachio, but one of the guards shot it with a machine gun. HOCHSTETTER GETS THE DROP ON THE KILLER, IN MAJOR HOCHSTETTER, GESTAPO H ow's that for a provocative title? : Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter Col. Wilhelm Klink: Operation Albatross? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: First suppose you tell me what you were doing there. [walks over to a portrait of Hitler] He dares call himself Supreme Commander. The Gestapo is taking over. Am I not clever? General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Thank you. Officer: But Herr General, I've not even greeted you yet! We haven't had a friendly chat for some time. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Oh, no, no. Of course not. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: [reading the plan] Amazing. Peter Newkirk: Yeah, don't use words you're not sure of. Col. Hogan! Sgt. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [trying to find the three scientist] I'll send to headquarters in Hammelburg. Major Hans Kuehn: Yes, uh, Field Marshal Karl Von Streicher of the General Staff. Are you OK? " Arrest me?" "That's right, Hogan," sneered Hochstetter. I'll call headquarters and have them send over a cryptologist. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I'm really not in need of another officer. I've seen to it personally. "What happened to the Duke of York?" Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter [points to the white wire], Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Cuts the black wire, the bomb stops ticking]. Sgt. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Yeah, I could not believe it myself. [pause] Carter: So what if you haven't told me who you're calling yet?No matter who you're calling it's still the wrong number because I don't even have a phone! Colonel Klink: [runs to the window and shouts outside] Schultz! No, we don't got him. Col. Wilhelm Klink: I have been working on him, Herr General. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Are you sure you have the right man, Doctor? And I am operating UNDER DIRECT AUTHORITY OF THE GERMAN GENERAL STAFF. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [muttering] Oh yes, heil Hitler. Actor: Judgment at Nuremberg. Col. Robert E. Hogan: [indignantly] That's to keep the tooth warm! Col. Robert E. Hogan: [Hogan is kissing Tiger goodbye out on the compound]. Col. Robert E. Hogan: What kind of explosives have we got, Carter? Sgt. Louis LeBeau: A dancing lesson? Now you may leave anytime, and take your spy, Private Berger, with you! Kommandant Klink's orders. Quotes.net. Carter, keep working oh, you do have insurance? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [does so] Sorry, general. Cpl. Peter Newkirk: [as Humphrey Bogart] Then droppen sie dead. Peter Newkirk: Now you see that wouldn't be cricket. Come on, tell us about it. Andrew Carter: Yeah, and Klink's happy - nasty happy. Quotes [] Major Wolfgang Hochstetter: "Colonel Hogan, that you were able to operate for so long is a tribute to the stupidity of your beloved Kommandant." Bloopers [] External links [] Sticky Wicket Newkirk at the Internet Movie Database; Sticky Wicket Newkirk episode capsule at Webstalag 13; The Hofbrau Klink isn't too bright, you know. Colonel Klink: If those orders are not carried out, both you and the courier will be court-martialed, shot and sent to the Russian front! Cpl. Col. Robert E. Hogan: Carter? You saw me write down the message. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Thank you, General Burkhalter. Hochstetter, I am in charge of this project. Writers can stir the mind, but they can't direct it. Col. Robert E. Hogan: And then Wagner's brother shoots Colonel Klink. Adequate. Andrew Carter: Let's get out of here! Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: And a dancing lesson. Failure punishment execution by firing squad. Sgt. Louis LeBeau: The new girlie magazines must be in from Paris. Did you hear me? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, I am. Till we meet again, Nimrod. Sgt. Hogan's Heroes is an American television sitcom set in a German prisoner of war (POW) camp during World War II. Colonel Klink: Of course, you want me to handle it with my usual Klink efficiency, General. I will be here every single day until I find these men. Sgt. Now, Klink, where do these lines cross? Wild horses and torture could not drag one syllable out of me. Time changes things, God changes things, the dictators change things, but writers can't change anything. Major Hochstetter: WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING HERE? : What witness? Col. Robert E. Hogan: After two years here, who cares what they look like? The idea of Klink being a British agent is ridiculous. Cpl. [walks towards door, gives his classical] BAH! | : General von Rauscher General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: They must be sending out the location of our rocket launchers. Col. Robert E. Hogan: LeBeau, my boy, I'm holding you in reserve. [pause] So what if you haven't told me who you're calling yet? Major Hans Kuehn: Very interesting. Major Hochstetter The weather is getting a little nippy. Captain: I have orders. This whole thing doesn't makes sense. Lurch let in cragnik.". What is going on there? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: [annoyed] I didn't say you said anything about Friday. We don't need civil rights. Louis LeBeau: All you're gonna get is my name, rank and serial number. Andrew Carter: Schultz says I might get shot. What is this man doing here? Andrew Carter: Sure. We can't keep a prisoner! [Hogan's men react angrily when he volunteers to help rebuild the Adolf Hitler Bridge in exchange for Klink's promise to reopen the recreation hall]. Col. Wilhelm Klink: [addressing the prisoners] And while I'm on leave Col. Kureger will be in charge of Stalag 13. : And who are we gonna believe? Hochstetter: Why not? : What do I do? Hogan: [Hogan and Newkirk pose as German officers in a Nazi building] Take this man's name down, have him transferred to the Russian front! We had guys escape to Pittsburgh? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Uh, the fat little lady in the red dress has been eating steadily over an hour and a half. Peter Newkirk: No, I use the letters to cover the holes in my underwear. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Witness? Hans Georg Schultz: [Leaving barracks, after finding out Hogan's plans regarding the tank] I know nothing! *Now* I'm delivering *newspapers*! Beggars can't be choosers, you know. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Major Hochstetter, you won't believe this. General von Behler: Stalag 13? Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: Klink. Col. Wilhelm Klink: Schultz, take him away. Gen. der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: You may learn a few things anyway. General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: What are you babbling about? Hans Georg Schultz: I said 'Achtung!'. Col. Robert E. Hogan: It's going to be the only bridge in the world with a built-in bomb. Who are you? It wasn't for me. Be honest! All heads will roll, that's quite democratic. Web. [repeated line] Major Hochstetter : Who is this man and what is he doing here! Hans Georg Schultz: Be a good fellow and take me with you. Parody Displacement: Hogan's Heroes is a parody of WWII POW films like Stalag 17, The Great Escape, and The Bridge on the River Kwai. You gotta expect a few little explosions. Sgt. I got so excited. Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: What they're using here i a variation on the old Fessenhoffer Cipher. Sgt. Sgt. Many are unaware that he was. [slide, Klink's desk is full of curdled-up papers] I got it. One of us or one of them? Hans Georg Schultz: Oh, I'm sorry, Freddy. I fully intend Hogan, why are you so composed? Col. Wilhelm Klink: Thank you, General Burkhalter.
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