And he replied, that's okay Mom since u like her (the girl) anyway! Although it is disheartening, it also gives me a sense of support - as this subject has been one that has been very difficult to handle for the past 2 years in my house. We have a 1 year old son together. We are all heartbroken and only talk with him occasionally. Editorial post:My Son Hates His Stepfather. After her relentless begging, I decided to let her move in because I thought the only way he is going to know her is to live with her. I don't know how she is feeling about me being in a serious relationship with her son, and I'm not going to confront her about the way she makes me feel, unwelcomed and sensing her jealousy.What do I do?? We ask them to come in to discuss this and the mother will not even sit down. my son has been with a girl for 2 years now the family can't stand her. But yes, as the title says, my girlfriend doesn't love me anymore. Let her know that you gladly help support your "future wife" in her studies because you love her, you know she will be a great help to those she attends, and that she is anxious to help support the family financially as well. I only charged her $300 a month rent and she could eat what I put in the refrigerator. We asked our son what this was all about and I brought up several reasons including the possibility of her being pregnant. Not allowing him the freedom to learn from his decisions is a mistake, too. Therefore, she is the one with the greatest leverage to make something happen. Now they want to get MARRIED!!!!! We had a great few days together but she stayed well away, pretended she was working but our son looked unhappy so his father asked him if he was happy, his siblings have always had a solid relationship and they heard him on the phone to him, her tone was very sharp towards him. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on December 08, 2017: Susan, this sounds like less of a problem about the girlfriend and more with your adult son. They know that my husband and I don't like it at all. "He doesn't like the situation," stresses Gorell Barnes. She made physical threats and destroyed any hope of acceptance again. You don't have to start planning the wedding or be overly indulgent and supportive of the relationship but just warm, friendly and loving. After Christmas last year he suddenly informed us that he found an apartment closer to her. Do not address the negative comments that she is making to others or she will have to defend herself and she'll get resentful towards your fianc. she is very disrespectful called me a bitch to my face, has went off on me in my home, has called my husband a motherfucker to his face and has changed my son for the worse. My adult son's girlfriend never goes home she sits in his bedroom all day smoking while he's at work she's lazy and doesn't clean up after herself she pays no money towards bills. Her cooking did not last. He began to see our points, and he broke up with this girl. Mo Mulla is a work from home dad who enjoys reading and listening to music, He loves being a dad and husband to a growing family. However, I would remind him that he's not owning up to his adult responsibilities in having and providing for his woman without your help. I have been asking my son long before this day if he has girlfriend or if he likes someone so I would meet her to know more about her. Most of the time when he plays basketball, the girl will always be there cheering for him. You have no control over what they do elsewhere, but you are responsible for what you allow in your home, so don't be bullied by his defiance of you. original sound - Ryan The Lion. I can only suggest that your area of expertise is love, the love of being his mother. Questions about her commitment or plans for the relationship. When you can talk with him, let him know that you love him and do not mean to sound as though you disapprove of his relationship. I think then the girlfriend deserves better than your son. Kimberly! Once my son hit high school, my once sweet boy began having sex, smoking pot, and drinking. I know you have concerns about your son getting into a serious relationship so young, but isn't your top priority your son's happiness? He asked us a few weeks ago to apologise to his girlfriend as she heard our telephone conversation about our concerns that she was using him against her ex partner. You might also ask his closest friend, cousin or sibling to talk with him. NOW HE IS VERY ARROGANT AND DISRESPECTFUL. They have been together for1 year. Now we just ask we know where he is since he lives with us still. The other family has total control over him and we do not know what to do either, but I have to thank God he is alive and we have still opportunities , as little as they may be, to talk to him nd let him know we love him. She has refused to accept my apology even my husband has now apologised, she told my husband that she wants nothing to do with any of his family and he will never see any of his grandchildren. He might insist that he "loves" her so do not challenge that. He does do things with us occasionally. Explain to him how his girlfriends behaviour is undesirable. Tiredofthinkingmom on September 05, 2017: Lou--- yes sir we are living that now good God she may be the twin of our sons gf! He sees your disapproval as criticism of his life choice. Now this woman is expecting us to resolve her issues. Any questions that may come across as judgmental or accusatory. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on July 27, 2010: Hi Laila, there is so much to know before I can really help. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on September 22, 2013: Dear Concerned, I am sorry to hear of your grave situation. He ended them all to his advantage. Will she take him away from us? She translates your disapproval of the relationship as a rejection of her. My son who is still in college for another at least 3 yrs. I have proof that this girl was a stripper and a prostitute! We'd love to add it to our calendar. When he does come by to grab closes he says hello mom and closea the door in my face. Your son is always a victim of the blame game. I told her the last time she disrespected me she was not welcome here any longer. I phoned him, he said, he wasn't leaving her and she had chosen him. Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on November 03, 2015: All great advice, Lori. Plus, she is the mother of your one-year-old. She may even be jealous of your guy friends. Hi Lori. Our son was upset and was leaving her to return to his flat, he was waiting to be allowed back to collect his things. Feel free to email me anytime to discuss. She pretends that she does not see me or ignores me. And it sounds as though they see themselves in the children's romance. Did you criticize them a lot? I am a stepdad to an 18/19 yo son, and yes I do mean son, as that is how I see him, and not my stepson. It's hard not to mother our children, even if only in tone of voice and energy. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. She has placed a huge wedge between us. And father. They don't want to look after their kids so why in the hell do they expect my son to look after them. When I bought my grandson those items I also purchased clothing in 12 month size at her request for her son. How to Choose the Right Toddler Girl Outdoor Coat? Because we only have his best interests at heart. It is very hurtful, but I will continue to invite both of them to spend time with us. This is all good advice however, what to you recommend if you see a son in turmoil due to a needy girlfriend. Don't nag him about college or breaking up with her. It is too much to even write. At the end of the night, they came into our house to watch him open his gifts. Well, the son texts her and says can you believe my mom thought the lunch was about you being pregnant. Both eyes open, we told him, if he wanted to avoid heartache later. then when his guy friends tried to warn him, he "lost touch" with them. Not all life paths are meant to be easy and if he chooses a hard path, we'll walk it with him. How Many People To Invite To Baby Shower. Now my mother keeps on asking how she is studying and who is paying for her fees, even if i explain to her, she would go and talk about it with other family member/s. Your son reacts negatively or flinches in her presence. I'm sorry to hear about your difficult situation. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative 3 Ways To Cope, on My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative 3 Ways To Cope, 1. And we presented our concerns. When you consistently cook and clean for him, even if he didn't ask you to, he gets accustomed to full-on mom treatment. We sent him a cheque for his birthday and he has spent it on an engagement ring for her. I can't help but think that your son isn't capable of making sound decisions for himself let alone his son. So my question is, what should I do? Fifteen years from now, she'll be on oxygen and in a wheel chair. Enough is enough take the shit that you came which is nothing and leave. 65 Likes, TikTok video from Ryan The Lion (@ryantrout1): "Me when my girlfriend doesn't want to hang out with me". Not sure if I will do it, but it sounds good. Once your son is older, you can only nurture him gently with love and support. Then she began threatening suicide Not long after my son followed suit and began cutting, threatening suicide, and having violent outbreaks. We have always tried so hard as a family to make her . Whatever you do, don't meet this girl's bad behavior with more bad behavior. It has gotten to the point that our son has given up all his friends and only does things with her and her parents. They're just now experiencing some measure of independence. Things continued to worsen. They are OPPORTUNISTS. (as he was joking on his text) I said, I only like her because she's nice to our dog, but I don't her for you as your girlfriend! Help! My family and I were sure to surround my son with lots of love all the time so he knew what a loving family he had and what he would be missing if he had to make a choice. They come in and the girlfriend holds up a pregnancy test. He owes his other brothers between the two of them close to 8,000! To Roxanne: Yours is an extreme example of how tough it is to cope with your son't girlfriend. I just saw that she was posting on his FB page different things that a gf normally would. Concentrate on your relationship with him. He is experimenting with other personality types than those he has been used to dating. is it normal for mothers to get jealous and mistreat the girlfriend, even though I've never disrespected their rules and wants for their son? Thank you very much for your guidance! Have they always treated you this way? The parents only work a few hours a week because they are on state insurance and if they go over hour then they lose the insurance! Indeed, it must be very difficult for you to witness the neglect of your grandchild. It's hard for him because it's his first love. You know your teenage son better than anyone, and the thought of someone coming in and stealing his heart is simply no bueno. Young girls also are developing into who they want to be so a lot of this behavior is thoughtless and fleeting. I was working a temporary job and since he was the only one working a full-time permanent job, I asked him to stay with me and help with the bills. Kids. Right now, you are being the major bump. Good luck. Here is what to keep in mind when you're mistrustful of your son's significant other. We made him come home or we would tell her what he was doing (he didn't want her to know). Sincerely warm and pleasant. I had spent a lot of money moving from state to start and paid the first year rent all by myself -he refused. Why would my son stay with a girl that threatened to beat my butt and call me horrible names? Your email address will not be published. Some lucky people do. Our son too has had freedom to go out with curfews till 18. Your reasons are sound and valid from a parent's perspective, but in all honesty, you have to remember that he has a life of his own. Its your parental responsibility to take action and start a conversation with your son about his manipulative partner. My son has a three year toddler who is in speech therapy because of delays in his development resulting from his neglectful mother. Well, as a mother, I keep holding on to the trust that we have to each other. Her family were disgusted with her, they gave her money each month to subsidise her wages. Scarlet is all about junk food. What concerns me is that this new woman and son moved near me without her resolving her financial situation in the other state and that this new woman claims that my son would have her hide in the closet when my ex-spouse and his step mom would visit him. She holds his celphone, or bag pack and they always sit together. Period. For kids who have led the straight and narrow lifestyle for all their lives, the rebel or laid back lifestyle suddenly can feel liberating. Heres what to do if you hate your sons girlfriend. Kids, especially teens in their first relationship, may not recognize the signs of a toxic relationship. Its normal for your adolescent boy to separate from his family. Now me and my husband because we do not approve. But it is your house so you can draw some lines: She can't sleep over. So I said, okay.. My son wants to tell me and he has an expectation that I should welcome her with open arms (she has never been welcome in my home). A 16-year-old girl with those types of problems most likely has moved on to another guy while your son is in detention center. They spoke emotionally about how starting in June 2020 through the spring of 2021, O'Connor allegedly hosted parties for her teenage son and his friends, "facilitating and watching" their sex acts . This is his first true long term sexual relationship at 19 years, so obviously this is having an affect on him. Try to treat him like the independent young man he has become. He is occasionally using substances now and has become a smoker since dating her, she is an addicted smoker & social drug user. Be direct: "What have I done to make you treat me this way?" Do you have a favorite board game to play next time? This girl would drive to our house every weekend (15 hours) to spend 1 1/2-2 days with my son. We made the mistake of letting her live in our home 5 months ago and my home has become so uncomfortable that we have asked her to move out. I still would address my son and let him know that it is only fair that his gf cleans up after herself and perhaps they need to kick in extra money for the extra expenses she creates with groceries, utilities, etc. You don't have to admit to anything you're NOT sorry for but do apologize for letting your anger and frustration get the best of you and do tell him that you regret ever telling him to move out. To pat -- Its YOUR house, you lovingly but firmly must set the rules. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on October 07, 2014: This is not a blog but a "hub" or article that uses one of the Hubpages templates. They would argue and fight. I was sick. What should I do. I forgot to mention -- his girlfriend is moving away in June. He teacher shared that the girlfriend gets really impatient with him when she drops him off or picks him up and stated she has yet to meet my son, the father. For the one whose son is only 19 years old, this will be harder because he is testing out his newfound independence and manhood. OK mamas, admit it: no one is good enough for your son. do oysters taste like fish. So I went to the city and found him. Building bridges takes time. He has a girlfriend and we allowed her to come stay in our home 3 nights a week. I kept staring at her face and was turned off. A monkey with a banana ran up and grabbed one of my kitties, slung him under its arm and ran away. He chose a young girl over his own family knowing she disrespected me. 7. lumberjack breakfast calories. Look, if you push this matter, you'll only push him deeper into her arms. She didn't say anything at the time. As much as it hurts, you are all not alone in your situations. Just be matter-of-fact instead of angry or accusatory. As the mother of your child and your future wife, she deserves your loyalty and devotion. Were you too harsh? But, subtle signs that people don't like you can also drive you nuts, making you feel paranoid. We need to reflect on his relationship with his family prior to this relationship with this girl. It really is as simple as that! I need advice very badly because I feel like Im loosing it. Note that I do not live with my parents as i am an independent person and have a professional job. Her baby was born Dec 2012. But he was not street smart before meeting this woman. Will she be good for him? I'll love you no matter what." We do try and invite them all the time, but there is always an excuse as to why he can't make it. Anything I say or do is considered wrong and I no longer know how to behave . My goodness! I feel at a loss because my son and I have always been close until she came along. He'd call in for a meal occasionally. Young boys with low self-esteem are attracted to girls that make them feel good about themselves. He had no place to live and had no car (they had even sold the car he had from college) I made him come back home and get himself together. This article is interesting and offers good advice. Keep in mind that my son and I were close. Would you like to prove once and for all that parents know best? How can a man, my son, allow someone to treat me as such and why is it acceptable to him? But you'll be the one who has to live with your choice for the rest of your life. My son sent me tx message saying he was sorry that he lied to me! He is still dependent on us, only has a part time job, just finished school, starting uni and her influence of always needing him & her party lifestyle is rubbing off. My son has turned all care of my grandson over to her and she is neglecting him horribly. What would you suggest at this point? A wiser young man would let her go and revisit that relationship if and when she became a better version of herself. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, and so she can continue being the sweet, considerate future daughter-in-law and melt away your mother's disapproval with kindness in time. I feel so hurt and don't know what to do. HOWEVER, you can tell your son that if the child's school gets involved, he and his girlfriend will be reported for neglect and this can cause him to lose custody of his child. OTOH, I personally did not know anyone from my group of friends, or relatives, or coworkers around my age who owned a house by their "late 20s" and I can not think of any of my children's friends, co-workers adult children, nieces or nephews who owned a house before their early or mid 30s (or even later). It is natural for a mother to feel territorial. My advice to you is to be non-confrontational about his relationship. She smokes like a chimney. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on August 19, 2012: Hello, Dave. He does not seem concerned for his son's health and well-being. The ages of both your son and is girlfriend makes it really hard to get through. What you might see as great experiences for young people may not be what he enjoys or wants to experience during his youth. She always says speaks positively about my whole family but I know exactly what is going on in the background. And now that he is lying to me and looks like he's protecting her from me, I feel so betrayed! My girlfriend is the humblest and kindest women I have ever met and I like her for who she is and not what she has. First, examine your own ways. This can be more difficult for the parent than it is for the child, but here are some ways to make it easier for everyone. When she started dating Matt she lived with her aunt apparently did not see eye to eye with her mother and step father whom run a beautiful heifer farm and her mom is a school teacher. My main support is that she liked to undertake Nursing as she said she likes to serve the community and I paid for her registration and now she has received a study loan for the whole year and now has one year left for her studies. Any advice for us.his siblings miss him terribly, and so do his father and I! I would always take my sons side and this caused a rift between ALL of us. Believe me, he will want to hang onto that. massage overland park. Always communicating and bonding with his siblings and grandparents. Scarlet and I do not speak. My heart feels broken into a million pieces.please help me understand if Im doing something wrong. His first love. Who is this unfamiliar creature that has attracted our sons attention? Take the initiative when you sense genuine estrangement. ParentalQuestions.com 2021 All rights reserved. He hasn't married her yet. Dear Amy: My 18-year-old son (who is in high school) has had a girlfriend for the past year. If things didn't go well, how do you get your parents to like your boyfriend? Warning: strpos(): Empty needle in /srv/users/serverpilot/apps/dim-wp/public/dog-breeders/index.php on line 1 Warning: strpos(): Empty needle in /srv/users . "Do you think she'll make a good mother to your children?" And you and your husband will always be there for him no matter what. He has allowed her to disrespect me in every sense of the word. It seems that the more I took his side or stood up for myself, I was no longer useful to either one. Please let me know where you got your design. The rebel. also, this girl has done some things that have been very disturbing as well, that would scare any mother. You've set down solid foundations for him, and he is branching out and experimenting with his freedom. Then she became extremely hateful cussing my fiance and making threats to bust him in the mouth. What occurred next is when I saw my son next I pointed out the stains and explained what I had to do. Contact: 0208 296 9620 Not putting her down at all, but expressing that she just wasn't going to be the one to make him happy. If she is trying to distance him from you or his family. Scarlet announced to my son that she was going to get her kids and bring them to live with them and she can't/won't pay anything. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on November 04, 2015: Good for you, Bill. If there is friction, it is caused by her. I'm at a loss over what to do about my 23 year old son's older "fiance". He came back after a year, when I contacted him, told him we all loved him, missed him dearly and we enjoyed the next 18 months together as a family. I've been dating a guy for 2 years now and have always been respectable and kind to his family. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Love your son without forcing ultimatums. Offer him counselingeven couples counseling before they walk down the aisle. I don't know what he is going to do, and none of them will talk to me. We need to question why this girl attracts him. Never says hello, thank you, etc. This is not a matter of "getting along" with his girlfriend. It's hard to talk to your adult child about his choice of mate because he will see it as yet another reason to protect her. Also, she was told that when my son leaves for work in the mornings, she must leave at the same time. Another essential step you should consider is scheduling consistent family time. Don't force him to choose between you and the girl. I treated her like a daughter (I don't have a daughter). So When my niece told me that, I asked him if the girl came to the house.. but he denied it! If he were going to give his own son advice if he were going to marry a woman like his fianc, what would he say to his son? He wants to be her champion. he is only 19 and she is still in school a senior 17 years old. We asked to meet him last weekend, we travelled a long way to visit him but he text and told us he was busy with her and her son. The important matter to focus on is that you aren't an underage child or young adult and you don't need your mother's approval for this relationship. ian thomas drummer heart attack; poeme sur l'enfance malheureuse. I didn't smother her with love just showed her that she was special. It's just that you want him to enjoy his young years before settling down. Do you dislike the person your child is dating? Whatever you do and say, do and say it with all the love you can muster from being his parents. If she heartlessly uses your sons emotions to make him agree to her terms. My son started treating me bad - I became the bad guy! I felt like I was babysitting a 26 year old child. Our perspective is that you have your whole lieves ahead of you. Well, he turned 18 in July of that year, and then informed us that he was giving up his full-ride scholarship to the out of state college to stay closer to this girl (she is a year younger). But there is hope. What are their reasons? There is a Japanese proverb that goes, "Bend the tree while it is young." Not once did she bring her children and to be honest, she was not allowed. A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out. The scary part is - now that he is doing well and fully supporting her - it is gonna be 10 times harder to get rid of her. Generally, women who go into nursing are very nurturing, patient and compassionate people. The VERY 1st time I met her did not turn out goodclothing (left nothing to ghe imagination); cussed horribly (every other word was the F bomb); and she was SO extremely disrespectful to my son (he just stood there like a deer caught in the headlights and took it). Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? Learn from the experience - that is what I am trying to do. Instead of losing your son, you may gain a daughter and even a very good friend. Consider getting help, especially if your son is in an abusive relationship. How do you intervene without becoming an anti-girlfriend bad guy? Whether your son brings home a boyfriend or girlfriend (these . Be honest and help him connect the dots between his relationship and the manipulative behaviour. However, the reality is that my relationship with my son has changed and I can't really see any improvement as long as he is with this woman. We have carted them about, they never offer petrol. He has no contact with his own young teen sister other that to be nasty & derogatory. The signs might be clear, but most parents cant help but wonder why their kid is willingly dating a toxic partner. That is no small thing and in fact, can still save him. And since I had not ever met her, she would reply to my son and my private conversations PUBLICLY on social media (repeatedly). Thanks for the most valuable advice. My son's girlf friend will sleep over in his room. When is your birthday? Why does it feel bad? He/her is guessing. I told my son that I would love him forever and when he chose a bride, I'd back him up no matter what road he decided to walk but to be sure about his choice and to know if a girl truly loves him and will make him happy and be a great mother to his children. Thanks for stopping by! She sleeps with multiple men at a time and has advertised her "services" on Backpage and Erotic Monkey. I guess what i am trying to tell you is don't do what i did and TELL him all the red flags you see. I explained to her the reason. You may want to introduce an activity that keeps them occupied instead of spending time with the manipulative partner. Whenever I would tell my son anything, he then went back and told her about it. But this article gave me too a different perspective. This has caused some problems be Cus he loves her duhhh!! Plus, you have been a great financial help to your mother, and she might feel that you will be strapped if you also have to support your girlfriend, too. "Are you angry with us? They're only driven by their biology and what feels good or what makes them feel "alive" which sadly, means drama. You will not get far in discussing this with him or his girlfriend. I asked my son again, if she is his girlfriend, and said, no! A woman that does not cook for herself, will not cook for a man. Use humor. Come to find out, she worked at a cookie shop in the mall with my son's ex-girlfriend (who was very nice and we loved very much) .long story short - she began instigating throughout their break-up and laying it on really thick. "She is such a hard worker.". He should be open to common sense. Anyways, she began cutting herself when they fought which made him distraught. Just emotionless responses or civil remarks. I could immediately tell from the type of pictures she had on her social media accounts and the tings that she would say that she was not someone I wanted for my son. Once she wormed her way in, she stopped respecting my wishes and started rebelling as well (probably my son's influence). Help! No one likes to throw away love. I know from experience! If your son contributes to your finances and you need his support, that is a different story. Youre his mom and that doesnt mean you can be his gf or wife. Say, "We want to like her. We have enjoyed a good relationship for the past 18 months with our son, he has telephoned me everyday, visited his grandparents and us, now he's ignoring us all again.
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